Friday, January 5, 2007

03-23-2007: Fed

It's 2007,
I'm sitting in the back of Lupos 'bout to play a show... I don't know,
I'm 28 years old and it feels like a lifetime has passed -
worse than that:
it feels like I did the whole thing backwards.

The girl kept saying she got us Gatorade and crackers
but that's just a tactic meant to distract us
we'll get so juiced up on the crackers
that we won't notice the Grand Buffet she laid out for the headlining act.
Not hungry anyway,
I'm sick to my stomach from the music that the opener played.
I sneak a sandwich from the giant buffet though,
as some kind of justice for after, when we don't get paid.

There's a punk rock kid on the couch,
all sweaty cause he just finished up on stage
he keeps nodding at me like we were both thieves on a heist,
as if I couldn't see that he was half my age.

He asked me how it sounded, I told him "amazing"
too tired or bored to put the sarcasm in...
he thanked me and then spilled some beer on my shirt
everything was ruined but I told him it was nothing.

Keta says I'm down on my luck,
but when you have no luck to start with, you've nothing to part with.
And I'm not mad that I don't have it,
I'm mad that luck should have anything to do with being an artist.
And now going to a show makes me wanna quit
not because I'm not good enough but 'cause I love it too much
to watch it squirm while its bones get picked
and all that I can offer is a bit more traffic.

There was a time when I thought that I could change the country
with a few choice raps and some odd time beats
but noise plus noise equals noise,
and the only way that noise can make silence is defeat.
I'm not hard of hearing - it just all sounds heartless
I wanna leave the state but I've been 5 years car-less.
Fame is a club that I'm not a part of
so why am I obsessed with success?
Regardless, all my friends are getting back on the high horse of college
mom breathes a sigh of financial relief...
and with each new year that I stay the course
there's a new tax bracket that I fall beneath.
My sisters play along like I was dating a convict
not sold on the vision that I conned my mom with
no one wants to come out and say what they see:
a man with no plan and no college degree.

But I could still turn -
I've only wasted a third of my life, I could still do it right!
How many nights does a man need to fail
before he can say that he fought the good fight?
Tonight - naw - RIGHT NOW I'm gonna change things.
This is NOT how I wanna spend the rest of my life
'cause I got it in my head that I had to stand for something?
Once you get passed that the future actually looks bright
man, all these years that I've starved and hustled,
convinced myself that the struggle was cool
I lacked the foresight that I was oh so proud of
but not anymore, tomorrow
I'm going back to school.


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