One year ago today my best friend died. For those that did not know him, here he is getting fancified by B. Schoeck 1 month before a sudden case of bloat took his life:
Lumas found me when I was just a dumb 18 year old kid. He walked me through the 15-year earthquake of my pre-adulthood life as a skinny artist and deposited me on stable ground with a house and a UX Designer's income/diet at 33. The responsibility of caring for him kept me on this earth many times when I didn't want to be here. He was more loyal, affectionate, and forgiving than any human I ever hope to meet, and he was all these things without the use of english.
When he died, I began planning an album about his life and his lessons that I hoped to release today, one year after his death. Today all I have to show for those plans is a few text files full of notes and fragments of four songs far from presentable. I'd convinced myself that I could complete the most complex and important record of my life while working a full time job; I was very wrong. It turns out that my creative engine does not turn over so easily in short 2-3 hour sessions. At least not any more. And it turns out that money and comfort lead mainly to TV and internet addiction rather than creative endeavors. Who knew?
So today, after much internal strife, I spoke with my very understanding boss and told him that I need to leave my job to finish this record. I'm walking away from a great salary, health insurance, and stock options in a company about to go public. I've saved up enough money to work on music 24/7 for six months. After that I don't know what happens. But I can't live with the guilt of not properly honoring my best friend this year as planned, and I intend to make it right by charging face first into the most ambitious and challenging project of my life. I'm sorry my creative output has declined this past year - the wait will be worth it.