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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

What have you done this year?

One year ago today my best friend died. For those that did not know him, here he is getting fancified by B. Schoeck 1 month before a sudden case of bloat took his life:

video

Lumas found me when I was just a dumb 18 year old kid. He walked me through the 15-year earthquake of my pre-adulthood life as a skinny artist and deposited me on stable ground with a house and a UX Designer's income/diet at 33. The responsibility of caring for him kept me on this earth many times when I didn't want to be here. He was more loyal, affectionate, and forgiving than any human I ever hope to meet, and he was all these things without the use of english.

When he died, I began planning an album about his life and his lessons that I hoped to release today, one year after his death. Today all I have to show for those plans is a few text files full of notes and fragments of four songs far from presentable. I'd convinced myself that I could complete the most complex and important record of my life while working a full time job; I was very wrong. It turns out that my creative engine does not turn over so easily in short 2-3 hour sessions. At least not any more.  And it turns out that money and comfort lead mainly to TV and internet addiction rather than creative endeavors. Who knew?

So today, after much internal strife, I spoke with my very understanding boss and told him that I need to leave my job to finish this record. I'm walking away from a great salary, health insurance, and stock options in a company about to go public. I've saved up enough money to work on music 24/7 for six months. After that I don't know what happens. But I can't live with the guilt of not properly honoring my best friend this year as planned, and I intend to make it right by charging face first into the most ambitious and challenging project of my life. I'm sorry my creative output has declined this past year - the wait will be worth it.

6 comments:

realvirtuality said...

This sounds incredibly corny, but I think you're a true artist for acting like you do. I am very much looking forward to the album.

Anonymous said...

It takes an admirable amount of courage to jeopardize a comfortable and stable life in order to pursue your passions. I wish the best for you and eagerly await your future works of art -- regardless of if it is in the next 6 months or the next 6 years.

Maren B said...

Wow, you did that.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad that you had to give up your job to get this done. I agree, full time job is inversely proportionate to creative output. That said, I am glad to have you coming back! I think you said it best in the song "Absent"- "the world needs people like me (you)".

I'm looking forward to your next masterpiece.

bozek said...

The fact that you apologize for your decline in creative output when the sum of your previous work puts the most dedicated musicians to shame shows how dedicated you are to your craft. I know your friendpup would appreciate the dramatic life changes you're making to honor your relationship. I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Gavin - I know I speak for many fans when I say we are very excited to follow you during this next chapter! You never cease to amaze!